Cryptic Writings

Good title for Halloween, eh? Beaucoup to cover ... my awesome wife, local jerks, Thriller remakes, and maybe a few non-related jabbers. Let's see where this goes ...

Right now I'm sitting at work disguised as giant iPhone. I am iJerry. And for the first time ever, I'm going to post a picture of myself. Allow me to explain. I despise Halloween. Mostly because if I just didn't feel like dressing up in the past, EVERYONE would be scolding me for being a party pooper. God forbid we celebrate the birth of Christ as exuberantly. I don't care if you get into it - it's just not my bag baby!

Despite that, my employer gets pretty tangled into the tortuous ordeal known as costume partying ... contests, prizes, etc. My VP is having an extra give away for Thanksgiving Day Cowboys tickets - as long as you are dressed up. Upon hearing this, my wife told me to get my derriere in the car and get over to Hobby Lobby. We discussed Benny the Bellhop, the retired Hotels.com mascot.

This was too difficult. But what she churned out between the kids bedtime and 1 am this morning ... let's just say she may have been selling herself short. I have a good chance to win (JD@kronos, eat your heart out). Go ahead and give them a click - it's even more impressive with the picture blown up - it will open in a separate window/tab.

Thanks babe (Elizabeth) - you rock!

Finally proud of something to wear for Halloween ... so allow me to digress and talk about a local cryptic photographer who decided to take my good buddy down a notch for no good reason. Now - Billy should never have copy and pasted a news article directly into his blog, but the ensuing "holier-than-thou" attitude just blows my mind.

Kinda like the pompous radio station personalities, these media babies are getting out of hand. Masquerading as grown men, they are nothing more than the old ladies in the hair salon that just have to be the first to bring the dirty news to the Grey hairs. And if the don't get proper credit ... watch out. The result is childish whining. Have a gander:

From: Mark M. Hancock
Date: Wed, Oct 22, 2008 at 4:44 PM
To: billy@tri-prosoap.com

Billy,
I noticed unauthorized use of one of my images on the blog http://www.blogger.com/profile/18205350178441371908. I need a physical mailing address to the owner of this blog.

-- Mark M. Hancock
Photojournalist
Plano, Texas
www.newseagles.com
http://markhancock.blogspot.com

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From: Billy Self
Date: Wed, Oct 22, 2008 at 6:19 PM
To: "Mark M. Hancock"

Hi Mark, I'm the owner of the blog... Which photo are you talking about? Also, if I ask for your permission (albeit a touch late), will you allow it?

----------
From: Mark M. Hancock
Date: Wed, Oct 22, 2008 at 6:30 PM
To: Billy Self

Billy,
I can't express how angry your note makes me. You want use of one of my images after I've found YOU'VE VIOLATED MY LEGAL RIGHTS. You should know which one(s) are mine. It's your legal OBLIGATION to know the origin and make proper payment for content you publish before it's published.

Remove the image(s), don't ever post them again and I won't have Blogger kill your account for copyright violations.
-- Mark

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From: Billy Self
Date: Wed, Oct 22, 2008 at 6:35 PM
To: "Mark M. Hancock"

Mark, please forgive my ignorance to blogging. It is not intent to anger anyone. www.tri-prosoap.blogspot.com the photo has been removed.

Oh Mark. I understand protecting your work. But are such threats really necessary? I mean ... it was a picture of kid that we all know in a triathlon article on the triathlon blog of the team that the boy's father is a member of. Sheesh ... what a T-I-R-D, tird.

Mark - if you want to look like a chump, look no further. I have a knack for finding imperfection in just about anyone - probably because I'm so full of them myself! You know what we do though? Lighten up and laugh about it. I'm sure you could find plenty of grammatical errors and none-too-good Franglais right here. Give it a whirl ...

But if you don't want to have fun we can always go see my buddies up at the Intellectual Property offices of ... well, we'll see if you even pick this up.

Happy Hunting ... here are transom links to some hauntingly horrible video remakes of MJ's Thriller - enoy (all from Glumbert):

• Punjabi Thriller - http://www.glumbert.com/media/thriller (truly disturbing)
  
• Prison Thriller - http://www.glumbert.com/media/prisonthriller (scary or cool?)
  
• Thriller Acapella - http://glumbert.org/media/thrilleraca (see comments)
  

Hidden Treasures

Hidden Treasure #1
Deep in the mass of Dallas' concrete commercialism lies a sliver of paradise ... the Dallas Arboretum. Me, Elizabeth and the 3 A's made the trek downtown this past weekend to enjoy the final fall festivities with our good friends, the Grimey family. My 2 oldest ...

Don't let me fool ya - I complained on entrance and exit. The Disney-like mob of humanity yelling at their kids and hip checking me like Sean Avery over the best pumpkin pile was distracting. But when I could open my eyes and soak the beauty in, it was quite a serene stroll through the inner city's blossom brigade.

Hidden Treasure #2
Christians from Cairo ... I met a new friend over coffee this Monday morning. His name is Michael. He hails from a Lake Pointe sister church in Egypt. As we discussed the ways of the Lord and shared our testimonies, I arrived at a moment where no words could be uttered for a few moments ... just silent reflection. What comment would cause such an instant? How about the difference between Michael and me when it comes to bringing the Gospel to the culture.

Let's skip me and go straight to Cairo ... you will be (not maybe) disowned and possibly killed for your faith. And he is at peace knowing that if he is killed, that Jesus' name will become more famous.

Perspective ... more to come on Michael later.

Hidden Treasure #3
I like New Yorkers. Especially smart New Yorkers. Add in the pledge of allegiance, a prayer, current economics and some free breakfast. That equals another great morning with the Rockwall Breakfast Rotary Club. I did notice that some of the grey-beards were not so thrilled with the Federal Reserve representative's views on the historical importance and resurgence after the sub-prime mortgage implosion. The ones that spoke up sounded like the Darrell Hammond version of Sean Connery on SNL's Jeopardy spoof. Was it that Mr Duca's pill is hard to swallow or Texans would prefer not to concede to a Yankee?

Either way, thanks to Mr. Self for having me as a guest. Have I mentioned they now have black ProSoap.com t-shirts for $5?

All's well that ends well - but I aim to disappoint. So here are some transom links and a picture of the human hippo. Cheers!

• Information Week
• Palin As President
• The Munster Mansion

Grimm's Ugly Pictures!

Youthanasia

You know that with Halloween coming up that our youth are going to be bombarded with all sorts of imagery, parties, rituals, traditions and ... fun, I guess. There is a percentage of the population that deems this time of year to be demonic.

As my family and our friends descend on the parking lot of Lake Pointe Church for a fun-filled evening of carnival rides, candy and food, I can't help but think this is a great alternative to Halloween for our community.

At the same time, it could be an awful excuse for us to ignore the rest of the local culture who will be out on the following weekend. I encourage you to participate in your neighborhood's Halloween festivities with one simple goal - find someone new and establish a relationship with them and their family.

Give our Lord the chance to work through you. Demons hate light. Kids aren't demons (no comments from the Moms that read this blog) - the kids will respond to anything as long as you pay attention to them!

So enjoy all the festivities. And if you get a chance to stop by tonight ... come join us for some fun. Here are the details ...

• http://fallfestival.lakepointe.org/RW/Default.aspx

This is not a church-only event. Come one, come all, come as you are! Email me and I'll hang with you. And if you are a visitor, there is no charge to enter.

Enjoy these transom links:

• Grimm's Ugly Pictures
• The Truth Project
• Off the Mark

Countdown To Extinction

Or last week's signs of the apocalypse? Either way, we must be near the end.

I can't claim these stories for my own but was in awe ...

DISCLAIMER: The second one is not necessarily kid friendly. So heads up. This first one is just sad ...

The Illiterate State Fair of Texas

Posted on October 18th, 2008 5:49pm by Tim Rogers
Filed under Local News

I can’t tell you how proud this sign makes me. (Wife to self: “You better tell everyone that I’m the one who caught it!”) No child left behind. Go, TAKS!

** GO CHECK OUT THE COMMENTS - THEY ARE HILARIOUS **

Ok ... don't look if you are easily offended ...

“Good Christian Bitches” Might Be Making Dallas Women A Little Nervous

from FrontBurner by Sarah Eveans

Tim dropped a copy of Kim Gatlin’s new book, “Good Christian Bitches,” on my desk yesterday. I’m sure many of you know Kim–she’s a lady-about-town, a commercial real estate agent, and she’s involved in a lot of charitable organizations. I’ve been flipping through it, and so far, I’m really enjoying it. Mostly because I’m trying to figure out which Dallasites appear in the story. The book seems like it could be a thinly-veiled account of Gatlin’s life. For example: The story is set in “Hillside Park” (ahem). The “Longhorn Ball” is “the only high profile event where the men didn’t have to wear tuxes; they could wear jeans” (hello, Cattle Baron’s). Later in the book, the main character, Amanda Vaughn, goes for drinks with her friends at “Al’s.” (Oh wait, that’s the same). Incidentally, Vaughn is divorced with two children…and so is Kim.

I’m looking forward to reading this, mostly because it feels like a tell-all. I’m sure Gatlin would say that the characters are fictional, but I’m wondering how much is based on fact. I’m guessing Dallas women will be curious too, especially since the descriptions of the characters are fairly specific, and a little brutal (like Sharon Peavy, Amanda’s former best friend, who works in the hospitality industry, has the “best chest” in Hillside Park, and who “isn’t marriage material”). In the first chapter, Gatlin — I mean, Amanda — hears herself being discussed during Bible study at “Hillside Park Presbyterian” by a bunch of ladies she thought were her friends. In a prayer request, no less. Sounds like a great way to get back at a few people who’ve wronged you, and if that’s the case, there are a few of us who’d like to buy you a drink at the real Al’s. Stop by Barnes and Noble to pick up a copy. (Report from the field: It won’t be at NorthPark Barnes and Noble until Oct 31. Boo.) It’s already out of stock on Amazon.

-----

Let the hate mail roll in!

Rust In Peace

I often hang my head in despair after making the decision to listen to sports radio in any length. Last week was no exception. The babble I ingested claimed that having Brad Johnson as the #2 QB for the Cowboys is a blessing (?!) based on the fact he does not need to take a lot of snaps in practice ... because he's so veteran. They claim this would allow the coaches to make a better game day decision on whether Romo could be effective with the bad pinky.

We all know how that worked out.

Two good buddies and my wife backed me into a corner last week and forced me to list out the members of society that I am either unwilling to reach out to or carrying around to much hatred to effectively be Christ-like.

The result of my prejudice and the hatred I must repent from is as follows (otherwise known as the Grimey Cultural Limitation): "Gay unicyclists covered in tattoos who hate babies cause they can't have them and sit around all day wasting their life watching Oprah and fantasizing about Brad Johnson's butt in his uniform."

Sounds extreme but at least my hatred is specific and easily overcome. So just to smooth things over, I plan to go out to http://www.ogreshirts.com/ and purchase one of these awesome unicyclists t-shirts to wear on a night out at a gay bar in tote with pictures of my kids and a bible.

Now I'm in real trouble ... sigh.

Not to take hatred and prejudice lightly, allow me to pull a page from the Radical Reformission and confess a real cultural block that I ran into this week.

Downtown, at the Greenville and Lovers Borders Books, I found myself at the information kiosk searching for a Max Lucado book for my wife. I heard the shadow of a congenial, red-bibbed, employee getting ready to pounce. Keeping my eyes on the screen, I played dead as if a bear were approaching.

The ploy did not work ... and I heard the words that we all fear based on every car buying experience known to man - "Can I help you?"

As I raised my brow and thought the words "No, you retail, paperboy freak - I'm an idiot that can't figure out how to press the big, red Search button" my imagination flashed a few possibilities of the poor soul standing across the table from me trying to execute the futile company training they received in their first week on the job.

1. Would it be the lonely, heavy-set, pale female that finished some college but was only there to find a man until she found out that wasn't working?
2. Or the young, not-quite-out-of-the-closet male in nicely pressed Gap clothes that still lives with his parents and desperately wanted to be downtown but could only find this flexible, lazy scheduled uptown job?
3. Considering where I am it could just be the post-Goth, scrawny genius girl that hates everything but really needs the paycheck to fund her exotic butterfly collection and 19th century original print poetry books.

I was not so fortunate ... the creature that lurked before me actually made him respond to my facial reaction ... his exact words were "I'm actually smarter than I look and can help you find your book." I replied, "I am never accused of being smart - don't let the glasses fool ya." He was not impressed.

This wasn't just tattoos ... I like tattoos ... the colorful, full-coverage body art just rounded out the Pin-Head-esque piercings and Ethiopian stretched out ear lobes. As he took me back to the Max Lucado book, his ears were flapping like a lab chasing a squirrel. I was walking behind the human form of Goofy.

As he turned and said "hear you are" I knew I needed to say something. This is what came out: "Cool ears. Why did you do that?"

His response: "That's a really long story. I'd tell it to you, but I have a hard enough time keeping my day job."

Finding myself wondering what his night job was, I soon realized that my poor attempt at building a relationship was futile and no longer possible at this juncture. I thanked him, paid for the book, and left defeated.

I didn't think there was much out there I haven't seen. Which is true except that I don't see enough of it that my brain is trained to expect only clean, white, lake community folk.

This is a problem ... if I am to live out the rest of my life not being able to see everyone as a person, I will surely never find peace. But if I can ask God to go before me, even when entering the book store, I can at least have Christ on my mind and ready to share the ministry.

The babbling for today is over ... enjoy yours and have a link or two if you're bored:

• Ogre Shirts - Unicycling T-Shirts
• I'm a Man! I'm 40!
• Boxtown Ministries Team Site

So Far, So Good... So What?

Did you ever wonder why someone was doing something only to find out you'd rather not have known? You keep asking because you care and know the person enough that something is amiss. They don't want to tell you ... but they crumble knowing they need to tell someone out of their comfort zone. Then they feel better (probably.) But you wished you kept your mouth shut and never said anything. Happened to me a few days ago.

Its part of the joy of getting to know people and not crossing the gossip/griping line. I went away for 24 hours this past weekend on a mens retreat. Pegged as a time of reflection and spirituality, I've been questioned by a few close to me (male and female) as to what I thought about the weekend's festivities.

In a round about way - what do I think was accomplished?

Well .. my opinions have not been well received at any point in my life - high or low, young or mature, work or home. What? A post from Jerry void of opinion or irreverence? Bollocks! Why would I do that? A refreshing change perhaps. To wet your appetite for conflict, I dodged the female queries because women are smarter than me and cause more damage. To the fellas, I recommended removing their thumbs from what should only be used to turn out excrement.

But I will tell you what I pulled together and, in some cases rediscovered while retreating with 14 other dudes from Lake Pointe that have committed to study the Word together on a weekly basis.

• Duke is lending his home to the Boxtown Mission.
• Robert is serving - always without hesitation.
• Kevin desires more action.
• Eric wants more interaction.
• Tucker is young and fishing.
• Grimey is on the brink and completely open and honest.
• Billy is ready, can't get there, but willing to work at it.
• Wes is wrapping it up.
• Brandon is rebuilding.
• Ryan is opening his abode.
• Nick is looking for difficult answers concerning fatherhood.
• Ben is working it out.

I feel like I'm forgetting someone ...

Everyone was pondering on the Holiest of Holies. We even had a guy catch his first fish! I have obviously taken that for granted.

I am in awe of these men as they take the first step towards a better way to live - an authentic manhood focused on Leading Courageously, Accepting Responsibility, Rejecting Passivity and Expecting God’s Greater Reward.

We've come a long way ... this rag-tag group of weirdos from the bowels of the mega church on the Wall. There is no argument that we all received a great understanding of where each other is in our personal walks and where we will be going as a group. If not ... well, you just weren't paying attention.

Do we get the picture? Probably not yet. But it's coming into focus. And amazing things will be accomplished for the Glory of God.

Click here for a small web album of the trip thanks to Billy ...

And don't forget to get-cho-Self the ONLY cool ProSoap shirt ... click here. There is a dude and dude-ette version. Back in Black.

Peace Sells... But Who's Buying?

Discussing reformission with a dozen guys sounds like a daunting task. But when the Stecker/Graves Mens Bible Study met last night, there was no resistance or reluctance from the group when it came to sharing where we are at when it comes to bringing the social message of Jesus Christ to the culture. We had one guy go as far as to rededicate his life last night! That's huge!

And what is the culture? Are we going to set limitations? Are we too sheltered to make a difference?

It's really all over the place. However, I believe it is no more of a daunting task today than it was in previous eras. But our line of attack will have to adapt and overcome some diverse impediments. Improvisation may be our best instrument. The only unswerving focus of the past will be that the scripture NEVER changes ... merely the delivery.

Not bad prep work for this weekend as a group of us head out on the Boxtown Mission. Even this little ministry has changed radically over the past 6 years. There is no more Boxtown. But the unreachable are still there. There is only one Dallas shelter. But it feeds and does not reach out.

What are we to do? Endure. Keep going. Asking Him to go before us and prepare our hands.

Hebrews 13: 1-3 1 Keep on loving each other as brothers. 2 Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it. 3 Remember those in prison as if you were their fellow prisoners, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering.

They say sex sells. Violence sells. Everything but peace sells. Why? Most people want peace but are not willing to pay the price... losing your own life.

Next stop... Scorecards. Who's buying?

Transom Links:

• Mad Church Disease
• ProSoap Sales Video Bloopers
• Feherty To Appear At Stars Golf Tournament
• Click here if you don't know David Feherty
• FINALLY - cool looking shirts from ProSoap - go out and getcha one!
  

Killing Is My Business... And Business Is Good!

The next several blog posts will don the titles of Megadeth albums as I relate Mr. Mustaine's metal mastery and mayhem into biblical points concerning the people and experiences in my life.

I'm a big metal head that still can't go too long without a little Mechanix from time to time. Since the current state of spiritual music brutally irks me (even the heavy types frantically attempting to be culturally relevant), I have resorted mostly to classical/symphonic music to pacify my soul.

This post is neither a lesson in metal music nor biblical instruction. Rather a funny foray into some interesting time wasters that came to mind while pondering "Killing Is My Business ..."

As much as Megadeth is poking at the apocalyptic procedures that our government has taken over the years to spread democracy, it also sheds a light on the converse of killing: love. My father-in-law always says "kill em with kindness." Turns out he was talking about the way he takes an exotic out with his high powered rifle! Just kidding.

It was either hunting (as the season is upon us) or cartoons. Fictional characters trying to save the world from evil or the occasional suburbanite holding back from slaughtering the pimples working the drive thru seemed more fun! And one glam rocker that should be shot ... maybe by a hunter. Hey Robert? Got your gun? Please put Joe Elliot out of his misery!

Just enjoy these videos and sop up the Manna at the end of the post ...

How Superman Should Have Ended



Trapped in the Drive-Thru



This was the proverbial slow-motion car crash; like on "The Price is Right," when a contestant is about to put the $199 price tag on the tube of toothpaste and the crowd simultaneously shrieks "NO! NO!"



Daily Manna from the 'Net for Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it--he will be blessed in what he does. If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. James 1:22-27 NIV | Listen

I'd sooner be the eagle ...

I can't take credit for the rest of this post. Most of you have probably seen it around. But I thought it was pretty clever - thanks to my sis-in-law for sending it.

As I've discovered from previous posts, defending myself from the start is wise so here are a few disclaimers:

• Some editing has been done to keep it mildly clean.
• I'm not sure what version of the bible they are referring to when quoting Psalm 129. Unless there is some weird translation of Psalm 129, I'm not sure where that comes from.
• Somewhere there might be a reference that could insinuate that Catholic priests don't know their scripture. That's not the objective ... get a grip this is supposed to be funny.
• And all apologies to any wanna-be manager types out there currently practicing their ubiquitous life-styles.
  

So the scripture quoted is inaccurate and there is a lot of (edited out) swearing - sounds like a Pacific Coast reform parachurch, I know. But it is funny. Suspend some disbelief and have a chuckle on corporate America's expense ... (if you get bored, there are some good links at the bottom.)

A THREE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

Lesson 1
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.' After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.

After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'

'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.

'Great!' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story : If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest removed his hand.

But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.' Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'

'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'

Puff! She's gone.

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'

Puff! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'

The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'

'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story: BullCrap might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Moral(s) of the story:

1. Not everyone who craps on you is your enemy.
2. Not everyone who gets you out of crap is your friend.
3. And when you're in deep crap, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
   

This ends the 3-minute management course.

Transom Links:

• Rahr Brewery
• Hollywood Jesus
• The Greatest Prank Call Ever

That’s not chicken, I think. That’s ribs.

"Wow."

Have you ever read a story and and simply could not utter any other word but, "Wow"? No exclamation point. Just "Wow."

I've always been a big David Feherty fan but had no idea of his writing prowess. That skill combined with the personal story creates an amazing, head-spinning piece of prose. "Because that guy in the pickup just had to beat me to the red light ..." could explain my daily drive to work. But it has a whole new meaning now!

Some choice quotes:

"Great, I’m dying and spending my last minutes as George Costanza. But the medics are talking about hockey, so maybe I’ll live."

"I had already successfully stifled several snotbursts with the old thumb-on-the-roof-of-the-mouth trick, but apparently the human sneeze is an adaptable little bastard. If you deny it an exit, I don’t know, maybe some of them turn into farts or something and find another way out."

I want you to read this story ...

Step #1 Click here to the read "David Feherty Got Hit by a Truck and Lived to Tell About It".

Step #2 Go visit Rockwall Bike Lanes ... http://www.rockwallbikelanes.com/.

Wow.