I can't take credit for the rest of this post. Most of you have probably seen it around. But I thought it was pretty clever - thanks to my sis-in-law for sending it.
As I've discovered from previous posts, defending myself from the start is wise so here are a few disclaimers:
- Some editing has been done to keep it mildly clean.
- I'm not sure what version of the bible they are referring to when quoting Psalm 129. Unless there is some weird translation of Psalm 129, I'm not sure where that comes from.
- Somewhere there might be a reference that could insinuate that Catholic priests don't know their scripture. That's not the objective ... get a grip this is supposed to be funny.
- And all apologies to any wanna-be manager types out there currently practicing their ubiquitous life-styles.
So the scripture quoted is inaccurate and there is a lot of (edited out) swearing - sounds like a Pacific Coast reform
parachurch, I know. But it is funny. Suspend some disbelief and have a chuckle on corporate America's expense ... (if you get bored, there are some good links at the bottom.)
A THREE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSELesson 1A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.' After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.
'Great!' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story : If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.Lesson 2A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest removed his hand.
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.' Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.Lesson 3A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.Lesson 5A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story: BullCrap might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson 6A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Moral(s) of the story:
- Not everyone who craps on you is your enemy.
- Not everyone who gets you out of crap is your friend.
- And when you're in deep crap, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
This ends the 3-minute management course.
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Ok ... don't look if you are easily offended ...
“Good Christian Bitches” Might Be Making Dallas Women A Little Nervous
I’m looking forward to reading this, mostly because it feels like a tell-all. I’m sure Gatlin would say that the characters are fictional, but I’m wondering how much is based on fact. I’m guessing Dallas women will be curious too, especially since the descriptions of the characters are fairly specific, and a little brutal (like Sharon Peavy, Amanda’s former best friend, who works in the hospitality industry, has the “best chest” in Hillside Park, and who “isn’t marriage material”). In the first chapter, Gatlin — I mean, Amanda — hears herself being discussed during Bible study at “Hillside Park Presbyterian” by a bunch of ladies she thought were her friends. In a prayer request, no less. Sounds like a great way to get back at a few people who’ve wronged you, and if that’s the case, there are a few of us who’d like to buy you a drink at the real Al’s. Stop by Barnes and Noble to pick up a copy. (Report from the field: It won’t be at NorthPark Barnes and Noble until Oct 31. Boo.) It’s already out of stock on Amazon.
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Let the hate mail roll in!